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Wal-Mart Wines
The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine:
12. Chateau Traileur Parc
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Wal-Mart
"Merde du Pays"
7. NASCARbernet
6. Chef Boyardeaux
5. Peanut Noir
4. Chateau des Moines
3. I Can't Believe
It's Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling
1. Nasti Spumante
Redneck Vasectomy
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it,
put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb
in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me".
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, an resumed counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Kentucky, Mississippi, and West Virginia.
Wal-Mart Incident
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. Val mounts the horse
unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but Val begins to
slip from the saddle.
In terror, Val grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to
throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw
herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's
pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground,
she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when........
........the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse
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Top 25 Fun Things to do at Wal-Mart
- Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
- Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
- Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
- Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
- Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
- Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
- Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
- When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
- Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
- Play with the automatic doors.
- While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
- Repeat Number 14 in the jewellry department.
- Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
- Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
- Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
- As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
- Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
- Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
- Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
- Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
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